This is WAR!
by Setsuna24
Summary: Akihito gets back at Kirishima because of the Halloween prank (Cat in the Bag) and Kirishima in turn gets back at him beginning a prank war the likes of which Sion will never forget. Rated T for now.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: For Kadzuki_Fuchoin, J_Unleashed.**

**If you have read my other work you would have seen this coming. In several chapters in different fics and oneshots I either hint at Akihito doing something to Kirishima or tell you about what Kirishima in turn did to Akihito, this is the culmination of those events.**

**I own nothing.**

*********VF**********

**This Is War!**

**KIRISHIMA:**

Kirishima Kei woke up at the usual time, the sun had yet to rise in the horizon and grace the bedroom with its golden rays. The first thing he noticed was the headache pounding like a jackhammer in his head, it was followed by the realization that he was not in his bedroom but in someone else's. That notion in and of itself brought the third realization, he was in pain, and the pain was concentrated in his lower back and… dare he say it… his ass. The last revelation of the short time he has been awake came as a human shaped bulge laying next to him on the king sized bed and completely covered by the sheets.

Kirishima Kei was not a man who swore often, but as his quick mind analyzed the facts upon awakening the only words that crossed his mind were '_what-the-fuck?_'

With a still pounding head and shaking legs he stumbled his way to a door that could only be the bathroom and went to take care of his morning business. If what he thinks happened to him last night was indeed what happened he was momentarily filled with new respect for one Takaba Akihito, though that was quickly overpower by another realization. He will never again accept chocolates from that conniving little brat, regardless of how much he insisted, and especially not after he had played a cruel joke on said brat.

His morning business taken care of and his eyes somewhat more focused now that he found his glasses, which had been in the bathroom sink for some reason, and getting over the embarrassment of what clearly sounded like a blob of something he dares not analyze too long falling into the toilet while he took care of his business seeing as he could not stand long enough to pee without his back killing him, he left the bathroom to figure out who was the unlucky bastard that had taken his anal virginity. He was going to kill the man to save his dignity from being shattered into oblivion.

***VF***

As he entered the room, the newly 'de-flowered' secretary came upon yet another realization in this oh so revealing morning; he knew this bedroom. The words "oh, hell no." escaped his lips in a soft hiss. He recognized this bedroom alright; he had been in it in two separate and definitely less shameful occasions to collect something from the owner of the place he was in. For a moment he entertained the thought that he was wrong, that this was not his bedroom, and that he did not just do it with that man of all people. Then the bulge in the bed shifted and a large body with very noticeable blond hair was revealed crashing all his hopes into nothingness. But of course it had to have been him, Takaba would not have been satisfied if it had been someone who could have been easily gotten rid of allowing him to continue his day somewhat normally.

No, now he had to go through the most awkward day of his life watching the face of his work partner and friend all day and pretending they did not just have sex because the little shit in his boss' condo had decided to retaliate and pushed those damned chocolates on them both until Asami himself had said "just eat the damn things and go so I can have sex already" forcing both him and Suoh to eat the apparently aphrodisiac lazed things.

The last thing he remembered was the walk from Asami's door to the elevator and the metal doors closing behind him and Suoh, he remembered feeling very hot during the ride down, and then nothing else. He had never been this angry in his life and Asami or no Asami, Takaba was going to get it. This was war and damn if he was not going to win it.

While he went about collecting his clothes from the floor to try and make his silent escape before the blond on the bed awakened, he tried his best to ignore the steady trickle of fluid out of him and down his legs. He paused and thought _'how many times could we have possibly done it anyways? A man cannot possibly come that much just with one go at it.'_ He shook his head, he did not want to think about it, and continued to gather his belongings.

Ignoring the cum trickling down his legs and onto the floor had been his downfall. As he was making a hasty yet silent retreat out of the room with all his clothes bunched up in his arms with the intention of getting dressed in the living room and making it to his own condo before Suoh woke up, the unthinkable happened. He slipped… on the cum that had fallen from his ass onto the floor… and he fell, and landed like the proverbial and very loud bag of potatoes in the middle of the bedroom, waking up the sleeping figure on the bed who now with gun in hand watched him in confusion followed by blushing embarrassment.

Oh, yes. He was going to kill Takaba Akihito.

***VF***

**AKIHITO:**

Akihito walked around the penthouse as he set up the breakfast table and in his happy delight every step was more akin to a waltz than regular walking. Asami watched with curiosity from above the folded crease of the news paper he had intended to read that morning, everything could take second place to watching his lover go about in such an extraordinary good mood despite the long hours of lovemaking the previous during night. It seemed as if he was determined to not let even the activities ruin his mood and Asami basked in the pleasant oddity of it all.

The blond hummed happy tunes as he refreshed his lover's coffee and golden eyes followed every joyful movement. They ate in comfortable silence and Asami was bombarded with very welcomed smiles from his lover to which he still did not know the cause of but the wanted to know very badly to repeat said cause every day for the rest of his life, he was really enjoying this facet of his little lover. The greatest shock of the morning, so far, came when out of nowhere his usually prickly young lover sat on his lap, circled his neck with his slim arms and smacked him with a very loud kiss in the mouth all without a single word of coaxing from him. He really had to know what had Akihito in such a good mood and recreate the event.

Akihito giggled like a silly high school girl at something he was thinking about while still sitting on Asami's lap and the puzzled man just had to ask.

"Why are you in such an exceedingly good mood this morning?" Curiosity was killing him.

"Remember the other day when I asked you, against my better judgment I must say, to lend me some money."

"I do, you should ask me for money more often Akihito. I thoroughly enjoyed the way I made you pay me back."

"Of course you did you sick, perverted, bastard. I am NEVER doing those things again you sick ass." He said with a pout, to which Asami just chuckled and replied.

"We'll see about that."

Akihito waved that answer away with a simple "No we won't." and continued his explanation with a giggle and "best spent forty million yens in my life." Followed by a maniacal cackle.

"What did you spent that kind of money on?" Asami enquired, it had to have been something bad for Akihito to cackle in such a way and he was almost afraid to ask but the need to know was greater than his apprehension of knowing.

"Revenge." The short reply came accompanied with a shit eating grin and for the second time Asami did not want to know but had to.

"Revenge on whom, specifically?"

"Kirishima." Another shot reply and Asami just had to ask.

"Akihito, what did you do?"

"I fed him and Suoh aphrodisiacs last night." He said innocently.

"The chocolates?" Asami guessed.

"Um-hm. It took me five days to track down the guy who sold them but man was it worth it just to imagine what could have happened last night and how embarrassed that glasses bastard must be today. Oh you have to tell me tonight how he was during the day."

"Akihito, please tell me you did not track down that drug dealer again just to screw with my secretary."

"Of course I did, he said if I liked the chocolates I was welcomed as a client and if I remember correctly you had plenty of fun with me in your office after I tried them that time so you have nothing to complain about."

"At least tell me you saved one for us tonight." Asami said with a sigh.

"Obviously I did, what the hell do you think I asked you eighty million yen for instead of just the forty it would take to fuck with Kirishima?" _'Besides, it had been such a pity when the dealer had moved overnight; I really wanted to see that bestial expression on Asami's face again. That time was incredible... that feeling…'_

"Hm, but why Suoh? He had nothing to do with it."

"He's just unfortunate collateral in the much bigger picture… dear God I sound like you" Akihito was momentarily appalled by his own admission.

"I will take that as a compliment and for future reference I ask that you refrain from using any kind of drugs on my subordinates just because you have some petty revenge against one of them." Said Asami

"Only you would take such a thing as a compliment. And although my revenge was not a petty one I promise I will no longer drug your goons to get back at one of them."

"Also, refrain from buying such low quality aphrodisiacs in the future. If you truly feel in the mood for such bedroom aids I will gladly provide high quality ones for you."

"Like hell I'll ask you for that. Anyways, my dealer has good quality shit. I got his info from Sakazaki himself."

'_Sakazaki, that slimy weasel…'_ Asami would have to pay him a visit.

"Precisely why I don't want you going to that dealer anymore."

"Whatever."

"You know he is going to retaliate, right?" Asami questioned.

"Oh, I know. I also know that he can't do anything too bad because you will not stand for it so there is not much he can do."

That being said, after a quick look at his watch Akihito stated that he had to go check something out for his editor and had to leave. Though that had something to do with it, he just didn't want to risk being around when goon one and two came to fetch their boss before going to Sion. Asami was left behind thinking that Akihito had failed to realize that short of permanently damaging him or killing him, Kirishima had plenty of room to come up with a scheme for his revenge. Asami would let it go and see how far those two will go, entertainment of this quality was hard to find after all and Kirishima did need to lighten up once in a while.

Many hours later Akihito dragged his tired body through the condo, content in the fact that tomorrow was Sunday and he did not have to get up early for any reason. Asami was already in bed when he reached the bedroom which made him giddy with the fact that he was for once not going to be fucked into unconsciousness and could go straight to sleep after a nice warm shower.

The blond washed the muck and grime of a long day/night of investigative journalisms, which was not to be confused with stalking in the least, and enjoyed the warm water as he washed his golden hair. So tired he was that he just went through the motions of brushing his teeth and hair afterwards without even bothering to look into the mirror.

The young man climbed naked into the bed because at this point he could care less about underwear and clothes and fell into sleep's sweet embrace.

****VF****

'_Ah, Sunday, the best day of the whole week.'_ Thought Akihito as he stretched his arms and watched the mid-morning sun welcoming him into the land of the awakened.

Groggily he went to the bathroom to take care of his morning business and after a very satisfying morning pee proceeded to wash his hands and face. He was about to brush his teeth when he looked up into the bathroom mirror and his eyes opened in horror.

"Motherfucker!" He shrieked. "He did not! That goddamned motherfucking motherfucker fuck!"

His hands went everywhere in a hasty inspection of the damage done to his person, it was not going to come out on its own.

"I'll kill him! I'll fucking strangle him with his guts! Fuck!"

He was pacing and jumping about in outraged fury. He had expected retaliation from the man but this was crossing the line, no one messed with his hair. Quickly he turned to the unanimated and most likely accomplice of the devious secretary. He picked up his bottle of shampoo and squished it into the sink, hot fucking pink! But not any kind of hot pink, it was that luminescent kind of hot pink fond on highlighter pens and gogo clubs in the freaking sixties. Akihito was going ballistic at the flaming pink appearance of his once golden hair.

"That motherfucker!" He seethed.

His slim figure rushed from the bathroom to the bedroom where he looked for underwear only to find all his underwear replaced with lacy frilly girly things… all in that sickening shad of hot bloody fucking pink. Even his dirty underwear was gone. He was really going to murder someone.

Not thinking it twice he just put the less tiny/embarrassing one on and proceeded to put pants and the rest of his clothes. The hot tempered youth stormed out of the room and into the living room fully clothed just to halt at the image of one Asami Ryuichi reading the Sunday paper in the warmth of the morning sun. The smug bastard looked so at peace and self satisfied as he enjoyed a cigarette that it all made the photographer even angrier.

"The fuck are you looking so at peace for?!" He yelled even though he knew picking a fight with Asami for no reason was bound to do more harm than good.

"I am enjoying my rare day off if you must know. More importantly, your new choice of hairdo is not entirely horrendous. I must say, you look good in hot pink."

"Shut up you bastard! This is the work of your god damn secretary, wait 'till I get him for this, he is going to wish he never messed with me for the rest of his days on earth."

"You fail to remember you were the one who began this whole thing."

"That's beside the point, he could have let a childish prank go but instead he did that whole human sacrifice cult thing and scared the shit out of me. I still have nightmares about it you know."

"So you admit your prank was childish."

"That is not what I meant and you know it!"

Asami chuckled at his enraged pink kitten.

Akihito walked to the genkan and bent over to put on his shoes giving Asami a flash of lacy pink to which a perfect black eyebrow rose in question.

"Akihito, what exactly are you wearing under your pants?"

Akihito shut up straight at Asami's question and blushed two shades darker than his hot pink hair.

"Nothing." He said hastily and tried to make a quick retread which was impeded by Asami's fast movement and strong hand.

Faster than he could make sense of it Asami had brought Akihito back into the bedroom, tossed him onto the bed and took of his pants. Asami let out what Akihito could only label as a very scary and hungry sounding growl at the sight of the pink lace underwear.

"Akihito, I did not know you liked to wear this sort of things." The man stated in a low hungry voice.

"I don't!" he screamed "this is because your bastard of a secretary switched all my underwear with this shit and I was going to go buy new ones but I would be damned if I was going to go commando to the other side of fucking Tokyo. Get your fucking hands out of there!"

All his protest came to no avail as nothing could deter a horny Asami. The evil secretary had not only messed with his hair but with his underwear and now he had to deal with the hungry beast. He is definitely going to kill Kirishima Kei.

*********VF**********

**I had so much fun writing this, especially Kirishima's part. Let me know what you think and PM me any ideas you might want to see on it and if I like them I'll include them.**

***See Pink Gold Extra for the reference about the chocolates and Asami's beastly expression.**

**Setsuna**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hello everyone! I swear I will post for Host Nights and Videocalls soon, I just have been having a bit of trouble finding inspiration for my other stories lately. In the mean time enjoy this new capter.**

**I own nothing**

**Betaed by the awesome **

**********VF**********

**This is WAR! – Chapter 2**

**AKIHITO**

"_**In other news, police and caretakers are still stunned about the break in at the Tokyo Zoo earlier this night and there are still no leads as to who took the animals other than…"**_

The TV's noise kept the blond lying on the couch awake as he waited for his lover to arrive. He enjoyed the background noise of the newscast coming from the flat screen TV; it was loud enough to keep him awake but not too loud to be heard all over the penthouse. He needed to stay awake today and wait for Asami.

Akihito looked again at his reflection on the screen of his cell phone and hissed low in anger.

"Fucking Kirishima."

The loud pink would not leave his hair regardless of what he tried, which included bleaching and trying to dye his hair to its natural color, which only served to turn the highlighter pink hair to bubble gum pink… which somehow he thought was even worse… and Asami had not even seen it yet which would add to his anger when the man finally did. He was sure of it.

As if summoned by some kind of supernatural power, the aforementioned man entered the penthouse and took off his loafers at the genkan, still not looking at his lounging lover. The taller man set his briefcase and keys at a low table near the entrance of the living room and walked into the room, checking his beeping phone.

Then he looked up and began to talk to the person he knew was in the room.

"Akihito, you are home earl…" He did not finish his sentence as he stared at his previously blond lover. During the past two days, he had gotten kind of used to the luminescent pink but he had to make a double take at what he saw now. Akihito's head looked like it came straight out of a little girl's bedroom.

He was baffled.

"Fucking say something, I fucking dare you!"

Akihito half hissed half yelled. Asami had no idea that was even possible but he did not say anything, instead he laughed. A loud, full and belly aching laugh that must have taken all the air out of his lungs. Akihito looked at him shocked from hearing such noise come from the stoic man before remembering that he was pissed and that Asami had just laughed at him.

"Asami, you ass!" He screamed before trying to hide his head under one of the little throw pillows from the couch. "That was really mean, laughing at me like that." He pouted

"At least I did not outright comment on it." Asami chuckled "Besides, it's not that bad."

"N-not that bad, it looks like a fucking unicorn crapped on my head! All I need is some glitter and it will officially be something you can find on a show like my little pony."

"Oh, Akihito, you have always been good enough for my little pony." He said with a smirk.

"Ha-ha, so fucking funny you bastard. I'm so pissed right now… I may never forgive you unless you can really make it up to me." Asami's eyebrow lifted in curiosity at the sadistic gleam in Akihito's eyes and the obviously taunting voice. Okay, he was going to take the bait and find out what his lover was up to.

"Won't you? Tell me Akihito, what can I do in exchange for your valuable forgiveness?"

That sadistic gleam morphed into a full on sadistic smirk. Suddenly, Asami wasn't so sure he wanted to know what was going on through that troublesome little head.

"I am so glad you asked Asami because there is something I really need you to do for me."

A lesser man would have gulped and shaken in his pants at the saccharine tone in which Akihito spoke as he looked at Asami straight in the eyes, the incredibly sadistic gleam and smirk still plastered on his face. For the first time in a long time, Asami thought that he may have made a serious mistake but he quickly shook the thought away. He did not make mistakes.

"What do you want?" He asked looking at Akihito in puzzled curiosity.

"Let's go on a secret trip to Sion, you and I. Now." That sadistic smirk grew in proportion as Akihito spoke.

The taller man almost went back to thinking this was not going to end up good. Almost. But he really wants to know what had Akihito in such a devious mood. He had an idea as to who was the cause of the little devil in his usually caring lover to raise its head, he surmised he would just sit back and enjoy the aftermath of Akihito's and Kirishima's actions.

***VF***

They had made an unscheduled stop on their way to Sion. Akihito went into Kou's apartment and Asami waited in the black sedan for him to come back.

"Are you sure it will last? The last thing I want is for them to go off on me because you put the wrong amount in." Akihito said to Kou as he held a large box in his hands.

"Would you chill already?! I asked Yoshida's new girlfriend about the dose for a cat and she told me exactly how much I should give them and how long it would work. It's all taken care of man; you just put them there and let them do their thing… in about… eight hours and thirty minutes."

Perfect timing, this could not have gone better if it had been planned for more than one hour, the plan took to set up six hours ago. He was glad that it had taken very little asking to get Asami to do his part.

Off they went to Sion and Akihito looked at the box several times with an evil chuckle escaping his mouth as he sat in the car. Asami was beginning to get worried for the blonde's sanity.

***VF***

**KIRISHIMA**

"_**The strangest thing is the animals that were taken." Said the newscaster. "When you think about it, there are a great number of exotic animals in the zoo so it doesn't make sense that the three robbers would choose those. With all those animals that could be sold in the black market and be made a large profit out of them, why would they choose such worthless ones? This is without a doubt one of the strangest occurrences that happen at the To…"**_

Kirishima turned off the TV and headed for bed with an oddly satisfying feeling in his chest. According to the guards on Takaba duty, the boy had gone to the store this morning to buy hair treatment products and after royally botching his attempt at fixing his hair, spent all afternoon sequestered in the penthouse. That will teach the little brat not to mess with him.

He chuckled at the genius that was his plan for revenge and how Akihito looked when he saw the boy the next day. The kid had been majorly pissed when he went to get Asami to go to work and Kirishima had to try his best not to laugh then and there, at the daggers being glared at him from the pink menace.

With a sigh of contentment he took off his glasses and crawled into bed, his own bed, deciding to leave figuring out ways not to be left alone with Suoh and having to deal with their one night stand for the morning. He had managed to avoid the topic pretty well for these two days and he would continue to do so until he was sure the other man was not going to bring it up.

Kirishima closed his eyes and fell into deep relaxed sleep, his dreams filled with math and financial problems that only he could solve and present to Asami. In his dream, Asami was larger than life and he would sit behind a large desk with a red apple on it and look at the sheets of paper Kirishima would hand to him and smile as he wrote a big 100% mark on it with bold red numbers. Kirishima really liked this particular dream.

***VF***

Morning arrived and he readied himself for the day. The bespectacled man walked down the hallway with confident stride as the metal doors of the elevator closed behind him. He stopped at the only door on the top floor of the building and after three short knocks let himself into the penthouse.

Asami was getting off the chair after finishing his coffee and breakfast and Kirishima held his suit jacket for him to get into. He tried very hard not to laugh at the girly pink color of Akihito's hair and thankfully managed to keep a stoic façade.

"Asami-sama, the limo is ready for you." He said holding the man's briefcase.

"Hm." Asami answered and they both left the penthouse and the building on their way to Sion.

Asami went straight to his office like he always does and Kirishima went in the direction of his to prepare the morning reports to be presented to his boss in two hours. On his way to his office, he was stopped by one of his assistants who handed him a pile of folders with discrepancies that he would need to look at.

The faithful secretary resumed his walk to his office and stopped short as he spotted the large blond man leaning against his door. He felt the need to turn around and get the hell out of there but with a sigh kept walking forward until he stood in front of the man.

"Do you need something, Suoh?" He asked dreading the answer.

"Kei, I think we need to talk about what happened the other night."

"Suoh, I think we need to remain professional at all times now to avoid misunderstandings so I ask you to please refrain from addressing me by my given name even when we are alone. Also, there is nothing we need to talk about, what happened the other night was something caused by a third party and not something either of us would engage in with each other had we been in our right mind. Now, please move from my door, I have work to do."

Suoh moved from the door with a resigned expression and Kirishima stepped around him to enter the office. Before the door closed, the blond bodyguard exclaimed, "Fuck it" in an angry huff and entered the office as well shutting the door loudly behind him. He grabbed Kirishima by the front of his suit and pushed him onto the wall roughly. Kirishima was about to yell at him but his words were unable to leave his mouth as Suoh's was suddenly pressed against it.

The secretary could not think of a time he had been angrier than he was at that moment. Surely this was some kind of sick joke. He pushed the larger man off him and was about to yell all the profanities crossing his mind.

But that was when he heard it.

A noise coming from his desk.

It was like a squeak and a whine at the same time and the man thought with disgust that there were rats in his very clean office. How in the hell? Clearly, Suoh had read it too because the blond man also had his gaze trained upon the desk.

They moved silently to the source of the noise and noticed the slight shake of the bottom drawer. He was going to shoot the damn thing for daring go into his desk, probably looking for food, and getting trapped in it.

Slowly, Kirishima drew his gun and cocked it, happy that he was going to get to shoot something and take his anger into the unsuspecting rat. He bent down and slowly pulled out his drawer. What he found there made him freeze in fearful shock.

Next to him, in a hiss of shocked breath, Suoh also froze and let out the words "fuck" in the quietest voice he had ever heard the large man use to this date.

Fuck indeed.

He tried to retreat slowly and quietly, tried not to make any sudden noises or movements. But at that moment after a short knock, his assistant entered the room breaking the silence and startling him to the core. For all his weapons training, Kirishima Kei could not help pressing the trigger and sending a bullet to the floor, its noise never before had sounded so loud to him.

And that is when they saw him.

And they turned around.

And Kirishima Kei and Suoh Kazumi had never before felt the kind of fear they felt at that moment as their tails came up and the two skunks Akihito had stolen from the zoo sprayed them both with the most horrible smelling of substances.

He was going to murder that damn brat.

**********VF**********

**Thank you all for your comments and encouragement as well as ideas for this fic and all my others. Your words really do help me out.**

**Setsuna**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hello again! Two updates in less than nine hour wohooo! I'm still feeling like the walking dead from my cold and my head feels as big as a house but I'm managing to get by. The little one is teething again so that isn't helping my head with how much she is whining but alas such are the joys of parenthood (note the sarcasm), on that note… men are useless…**

**Enough complaining for now. This chapter is pretty epic! It contains a whole section on Suoh that is pure juice and I hope you love reading it as much as I loved writing it. I have no idea how to top this one to be honest, hopefully something comes up.**

**My super awesome beta fifteenfeb came up with Aki's revenge and helped me flesh it out. This chapter is for her.**

**I still don't own Finder Series**

**********VF**********

**This Is WAR! Chapter 3**

**AKIHITO**

This, was definitely crossing the line, and there was no coming back from it. Kirishima was going to regret crossing that line for the rest of his life and Akihito was going to make sure of it.

It had all started as a regular day for the photographer. He woke up relatively sore from his nightly activities with a certain perverted and insatiable crime lord, took a shower, brushed his teeth and combed his newly dyed hair, got dressed in comfortable running for your life clothes, ate a hearty breakfast and left for another day at the paper where he would work on an article he had taken pictures for.

All morning, there were giggling and snickering around him. He had no idea why. There were eyes on him that would look away when he looked at them and snickers and giggles again. There were hushed retelling of something funny, whispers and more snickering. Akihito was beginning to think it was all about him, seeing as they kept looking his way, but he had no idea why or what was going on. What could he have possibly done to amuse them so much?

It was close to lunch time when Mitarai graced the paper with his presence. Akihito's nemesis was checking his mail and talking with two other photographers as he shifted through the letters that has arrived to his work mailbox.

Akihito watched curiously from his desk as the two coworkers apparently told Mitarai a very animated tale. Mitarai shifted through his mail at lightning speed until he seemed to have found what he was looking for. In his life, Akihito had never seen someone tear open an envelope that fast. Mitarai looked at the contents of the envelope in quiet for a couple of seconds, it seemed as if the coworkers were letting him take it in, whatever 'it' was that had been in the envelope, and then he burst into an uncontrollable laughter.

The man doubled over and held his stomach with one hand as the other flailed about and came down to hit his knee several times while he wheezed and coughed from his belly aching laughter. Akihito really wanted to know what was so damn funny, but then Mitarai looked his way and started laughing again only to stop long minutes after and approach Akihito with a shit-eating grin on his face. Now the blond really didn't want to know what all that was about. He had a feeling he would not like it one bit.

As all things involving Mitarai, Akihito was already annoyed before it even begun. Mitarai just stood there leaning against Akihito's desk and grinning like an idiot as Akihito tried, without succeeding, to ignore him and keep typing on his computer.

"So…" Began the annoying man. "Got your Christmas cards out early this year, didn't you?"

'_Okay…? I'm confused.'_ Thought Akihito as he turned to look at Mitarai in the face, giving up completely on finishing his article.

"You know, I'm glad you decided to include all of us here in your list of who you will be sending cards to. It's nice to know you kept us all in mind." He continued.

At this point, Akihito was so confused and annoyed by the man's irritating tone of voice that he decided to interject with a question.

"Mitarai, what the hell are you talking about?"

That infuriating grin just grew wider than humanly possible.

"You know, the Christmas card you decided to share with all of us this year."

"What card?" He asked still not seeing where this was coming from.

"Very nice picture I must say, from a professional point of view, of course. I do have a question though. Just out of curiosity, do you wax your genitals or are your balls naturally that pink and smooth looking?"

Akihito was no longer just confused but also crept out by this turn in the conversation. Why the hell would Mitarai be asking about his genitals of all things? The older man continued to tease about tone and texture until a very red Akihito demanded he explained what was going were gathering a crowd and he was highly embarrassed about the conversation, if you could call it that, he was having with Mitarai.

That satisfied grin, if Akihito could have slapped it off of Mitarai's face forever he would have done it right then. Mitarai hands him the card he had been looking at when he had burst into uncontrollable laughter. As Akihito took in the image and his mind began to register the horribly embarrassing situation developing in front and around him, as he took in the picture he took a couple of years ago, and sent out as a Christmas card before he realized there was something wrong with the picture, he had never in his life felt so humiliated before this very moment.

It was a picture of him in a Santa outfit with his balls hanging out… humiliating…

It begged the question, how the hell did it get here? Who would be so evil as to give such a thing not only to his coworkers,but also to his boss of all people? The list of people who had received the damn Christmas card was actually very short and he had gotten rid of most of them.

Akihito blew up at Mitarai and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and shake him about, he demanded to know who brought the cards and who the sender was. Mitarai only answered that it was in everyone's mailbox and Akihito himself was supposed to be the sender.

He went over the short list in his mind as his body still stood frozen in humiliation while Mitarai continued to tease him.

'_There was my parents, my grandparents, Kou, Takato, Asami, Souh, and… son of a motherfucker! Kirishima!'_

Without even realizing it, he said what he was thinking out loud.

"I am going to kill that bastard megane."

And then, with the most evil expression anyone had ever seen upon his face, Takaba Akihito left the newspaper in search of revenge.

'_We are bringing the boss into this then, Kirishima? Let's see how you like what I have in store for you.'_

First, he was going to make sure it was perfect and then he would pay a visit to Kou and have him set everything up for him. Oh, yes, Kirishima was in for it.

***VF***

**SUOH**

That night, Suoh had a can of beer in hand; he had been done with his solitary dinner and was now sitting in his balcony, enjoying the night breeze and calming down from another night of Sion before heading to bed. He was thinking about what he was going to do about the situation with Kirishima, he had no idea how to go about it.

His phone chose that moment to beep, alerting him that an email had been received. With a sigh, he walked to the table near the glass door, hoping it was anything but work. Strangely enough, it just seemed like a personal email from Kei. He was confused. Kei was not exactly talking to him at the moment. The message was nothing but a line saying, "Please read this, I could find no other way to say it." He was curious as to what 'it' was but hopeful that 'it' was what he wanted to know. Mercilessly crushing his own hopes down, so as to not feel awful if they were not met, he clicked on the link and read the words out loud to himself not really understanding what was going on.

'_ /s/it-began-with-a-prank-1. Okay? What is this about?'_

"AN? What the hell is AN? Whatever..." He said, already confused even though he had not passed the first two letters. He read on.

_**AN: Do you have a work colleague who is also your friend? And it also happens that because of your job description, you ended up paired together all the time to assist each other on whatever your job demands? You are so in sync that you can anticipate what the other needs and have it done before they ask you. Everyone knows you are the best team when it comes to getting things done and even the boss makes use of this advantage. That is what people commonly call a "work husband" or "work wife", a platonic, most of the time opposite sex. A worksite mate, who provides you all the support and guidance in your work life you commonly get in your home life from your significant other.**_

_'Okay... this definitely has my complete attention.' _He thought before continuing reading.

_**Well... my work husband happens to not just be my friend but my best friend... and we recently crossed a line I'm not sure we can come back from. **_

_**We had sex. Even though we are both male.**_

_**And it was the most amazing experience of my life, as much as I wanted to deny it. I have been dreaming about him ever since it happened. This is one of my favorite dreams of him.**_

The beer he was about to swallow as he reached this point, came out of his mouth in an undignified explosion when. He was definitely reading this now. He needed to know what Kei dreamt about him and how he felt about what happened between them. It was not the best or the most direct way of Kei telling him but anything was better than nothing by now.

He kept reading and the more he read the harder it was to swallow. His eyes were glued to the screen of his phone and his pants were feeling very tight.

…_**Please, I need you to tie me, Kazumi. Please, with your tie, show me that I belong to you and that you can do to my body whatever pleases you. I'm yours, Kazumi. Make me submit to your every will… I want to be tied up and at your mercy…**_

'_Kirishima has a submission kink! And he wants to be dominated by me? Fuck, this is just too hot.'_

…_**He pushed me against the large desk in my office and placed his knee between my legs putting pressure on my groin. The heat of his body against mine was making my resolve crumble and I could no longer deny my need to have him inside me again…**_

*gulp*

…_**He kept scissoring his fingers inside me, stretching my entrance and preparing me to take his massive cock inside my body. Having his fingers inside me was such an erotic experience as his tongue explored every inch of my mouth…**_

'_Damn…'_

_**...Kazumi moved his tongue over the small peaks and licked around them, teasing them into hardness. His teeth sunk in and he held one between them as his tongue continued to tease me. I couldn't take it anymore…**_

'_I'm reading this in the bedroom.' _He thought as he temporarily paused his reading and walked into his room where he dropped his pants and sat on the bed.

He continued reading, not even knowing when he had begun stroking himself.

…"_**Kazumi, please, I need you. Fuck me already." I begged and he turned me around and bent me over the weekly projections I was to hand to our boss in less than an hour. He sunk himself into me in one tortuously slow motion before proceeding to fuck me mercilessly without giving me time to adjust to his girth…**_

'_Oh God!'_

…_**I reached the culmination of pleasure as he pounded into me and came screaming his name, knowing no one would hear me.**_

"_**Kazumi! Kazumi! Kazumi!"**_

"Fuck!" He yelled as he came all over his hand.

_**He too reached his peak and emptied himself inside me, the rush of warmth as he filled me up, made me feel complete for the first time in my life. It was so overwhelming that I felt lightheaded and my mind barely registered him saying my name into my ear as he held me tight.**_

"_**Kei."**_

_**It was wonderful to hear my name on his lips as his warmth seeped into my body. Before I knew what I was doing, the words were already out of my mouth.**_

"_**Kazumi, I love you. I have secretly loved you since I first laid eyes on you, I was just afraid to tell you."**_

_**I wish this was not just a dream, I wish I was not so shy when I'm with him, I wish I could really share my true feelings with Kazumi and that I could tell him how much I love him.**_

'_He is too shy.'_ He thought _'Kei is just too shy, tomorrow I will take the first step and take matters into my own hands. Tomorrow I will be more aggressive and forward in my pursuit of way, it won't matter if he's shy anymore'_

Suoh had never seen what was staring him right in the face all this years but after sleeping with Kei that one time, he could no longer deny his attraction. It made him happy to know Kei felt the same way about him even though he was too shy to admit it. But with this, Kei had told him all he needed to know and he could move forward in his pursuit of Kei's heart.

Suoh went to sleep thinking about how to go about showing Kei where he stood after this revelation. He would try a direct and blunt approach.

***VF***

**KIRISHIMA**

The following day, Kirishima was walking down the hallway to Asami's office for the mid-afternoon report. As he walked, he was thinking about Suoh's strange behavior throughout the day and not really paying much attention to his surroundings.

'_He has been checking me out more blatantly today as we worked. I don't know what to do anymore.'_

He was surprised when a hand came out of the adjoining hallway grabbed his arm and pulled him behind one of the large ornamental plants that adorned the office hallways.

Suoh's large body pressed him against the wall and his large warm hand covered Kirishima's mouth. Kirishima bit Suoh's hand and was about to complain when the larger man pulled his hand away but before he could say a word, Suoh's mouth was crushed against his in a demanding kiss.

The secretary was frozen in confused shock.

Between exploratory kisses, Suoh began to whisper against Kirishima's lips while his hands held the secretary's above his head and his knee pressed his groin much like in Kirishima's fantasy.

"Kei, the things you said, did you mean them? It was so hot picturing my fingers inside you, widening you for me, hearing you moan my name." Suoh gave up on speaking between kisses and decided to whisper seductive words into Kirishima's ear. "I have been thinking Kei, I really want to bend you over your desk now and fuck you until I come and fill you up so much you will overflow."

Suoh recounted some of his favorite scenes from Kirishima's story and those words shook the frantic secretary out of his frozen state.

"Wh-what the hell are you doing, Kazumi!" He screamed.

"What I should have done weeks ago, Kei. Today as I watch you, I couldn't get your words out of my head. In your story, you said 'I'm embarrassed about being naked in front of him so suddenly, knowing he had been inside me and taken me several times that night. I was embarrassed to tell him how I wish I could remember every detail so I could treasure the memory, so I panicked and ran away.' You should have told me Kei, you should have told me how you felt that morning in my room. I know you are shy and all, but I wish I had known then. It doesn't matter anymore though, it let me know loud and clear last 's why I want to move things forward between us."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about Kei, please don't deny it." Then Suoh heard someone coming down the main hallway and remembered where they were. He realized then, why Kirishima might be denying what he was saying. "Oh, I get it now." He said "I get it now, it's because we're at work. It's okay then, Kei. I know you're shy about these things and this might have been a bit too much. It's okay; we can talk about this again later. You know, as I watched you work this morning, I kept thinking about your words again and again. I read them so many times that I know them by heart, 'He had been checking me out so obviously, every move I made was taken in by his eyes and I knew it. He knew that I knew it too, but didn't seem to care about it one bit. I was not caring either at this point, but for the sake of appearances, I had to pretend I did not want this man as much as he wants me. Now with him over me about to take me, I did not give a damn about appearances, I felt him spread me open as he pushed himself once more into me and I loved it. This was so wrong but if I'm honest with myself, it felt so right.' I kept hoping if I did this, you would react the same way as those words Kei but I did not take into consideration this is the real world and we are out in the open where people could see us, I'm sorry."

"Wh-what?" Kirishima could not believe what he was hearing.

"I'll play your game for now, Kei. It's okay to be shy, especially in our place of work, we can talk about this later tonight when we are both off the clock. Just don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about then."

With that, Suoh left a flustered and confused Kirishima standing behind the ornamental plant. After calming down, the secretary made his way to his boss' office, still not knowing what was going on with his friend and coworker.

Kirishima knocked on Asami's door and entered after hearing his boss' voice give him permission to do so. Asami was looking at him with a very amused smirk, it unnerved him. He delivered his report wondering the whole time why Asami was looking at him in such a he was done giving the report, he soon found out why.

"Kirishima."

"Yes, Asami-sama?"

"I must say, you have a talent for the written word. So expressive and explicit, I did not expect it from you."

"Excuse me?"

"I must say, I was not sure why you felt I needed to know something so personal in such a detailed way but I enjoyed the read nonetheless, it was a side of you I had not known existed."

"Asami-sama, I'm afraid I don't understand."

"To think that the first thing I see when I come back from lunch is that kind of email from you... It was indeed very entertaining."

He was getting worried now.

"Sir, I honestly don't know what you are talking about."

"Don't you?" Asami said with a devilish smirk. "Let me pull up that email for you."

Asami turns his laptop around to face Kirishima, the aforementioned email with the link staring him in the face. With apprehension and shaking fingers, Kirishima clicked on the link. His eyes almost jumped out of their sockets when he began to read. This was what Suoh had been talking about, this was what Asami had been making comments about, and he felt so humiliated.

"Asami-sama, I… it wasn't me, I didn't, I would never. I…"

Kirishima was at the edge of having a panic attack. Before that could happen, he needed to get out of this office or Kirishima felt Asami would lose all remaining respect he might have had for him.

Before he made it to the door, Asami called his name, years of service prevented him from ignoring his boss and he froze on the spot to listen to Asami.

"Kirishima."

"Yes, Asami-sama?"

"That was quite the fantasy you wrote there, I think I ship the relationship."

If he had not been feeling humiliated before, he sure would have felt it was sure Asami thought he was asking him if it was okay to be with Suoh. He must have thought Kirishima had sent him the email with the link to the erotic story so he would know about the relationship and give his secretary wanted the earth to open up and swallow him.

As he walked into his office and locked the door behind him, he wondered who actually wrote the erotic story in his name and sent the links to Asami and Suoh. His mind went through all possible suspects until it reached the most likely conclusion, Takaba Akihito.

Takaba's friend, Kou, who works at a technology and communications company. He had the knowledge and ability to hack into someone's email, which would account for how the emails to Asami and Suoh had come from his personal email. The little shit was a photographer but occasionally did write some articles for a magazine or newspaper so he was well-versed in word-smiting and as Asami's lover, Takaba had a filthy enough mind to come up with the nonsense Suoh had been spouting which was contained in that erotic story.

Takaba had crossed a line with this one that Kirishima would make sure he regretted for the rest of his life.

**********VF**********

**So, what did you think? Was it a fun ride? I giggled like a loony as I was writing this stuff. Next chapter might be the last because it's getting to the point that it will be hard to find something to top the pranks but fear not, there will be an 'extra' chapter about Suoh and Kirishima after the end of the war.**

**For those of you who did not see it on the end note for Host, this is what is up next:**

***WAR! – Already done and sent to beta, should be up soon**

***Loyal – Chapter outline ready**

***Dragon – Chapter outline ready**

***Video-calls – Outline still not done**

***Unexpected – Outline still not done**

***Wild – Outline mostly done**

***Ride – Outline and several sections done**

***Secret – Outline done**

**Oneshots/twoshots I'm working on:**

****On the Prowl – Sequel to Other – 1k+ words done**

****Henna – Sequel to Turn off the lights – 1k+ words done**

****Hey Mom! – Kind of related to Unworthy – 1k+ words done**

**Other Stuff:**

*****Hybrid – AU about Aki – 2k+ words done (this will actually be a short fic of 5 or 6 chapters)**


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